it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want nice things and good sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
