I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize