New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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