i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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