Have you finally orgasmed yet?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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