i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
