I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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