he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
