Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
