Where did you get a picture of my penis
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
