I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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