i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
