I looked at my own cervix.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
