R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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