Pappa wants mamma naked
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
