I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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