I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
