where does the pee come out of this thing
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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