you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
