I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
