im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
