We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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