he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
