i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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