I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
