I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
