I hate all girls vehemently.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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