The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize