Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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