Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
