you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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