i think i have two assholes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
