we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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