I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
