You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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