I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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