People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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