I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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