Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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