Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this boner is exhausting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
