just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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