Plan B is the new Plan A
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
