Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
