whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
