My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she woke up with a sticky ear
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
