is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
