The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
