oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
