shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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