everyone is single if you try hard enough
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
