My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
