Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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