I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
