I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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