you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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