New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
