I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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