i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
