I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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