It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
