see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
