yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
