Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
