now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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