She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize