I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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