Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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