The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
