you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
