Dual....:-)
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Houston, we have a blender
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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