i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
