I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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