but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
