she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
