I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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