I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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