oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
