Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
