too bad you live with your parents still
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
