Im at strip club and am horny
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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