She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
