OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
