I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
