Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
