Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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