are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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