Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
