Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
