sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
