Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
